Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im part way to drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
