If that was your dad, he is hot
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
