It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
