I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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