I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
