he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
