fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
