he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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