He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
