so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
