I wish I could punch you in the face.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
