my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
