He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
