so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
