I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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