If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
