Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
