I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
