What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
