Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
