Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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