Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
