some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
