shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
