found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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