You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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