epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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