Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
