it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
