He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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