I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am never drinking with the goths again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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