No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
