Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
