A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
