I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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