i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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