I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
