She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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