i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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