"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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