haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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