I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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