my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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