i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
