Sponge bath it is.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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