She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
