Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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