I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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