The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
