dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize