I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
