I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
