He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
