A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
