I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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