the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
