If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
