why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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