I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
