so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
