i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
