At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
These tits shall not be calmed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
