we have officially lost it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
