If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize