it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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