Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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