Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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