You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
