a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
