He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I want to be your penis for a week.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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