Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
