I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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