Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
