john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
